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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
LESSON 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
LESSON 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
LESSON 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?' The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
LESSON 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. 'They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Sh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..
LESSON 6:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
This is the list of top 20 Songs from the 1980s according to VH1.
20. Rick Springfield, Jesse's Girl
19. Cyndi Lauper, Time After Time
18. Dexy's Midnight Runners, Come on Eileen
17. Whitesnake, Here I Go Again
16. INXS, Need You Tonight
15. Van Halen, Jump
14. The Bangles, Walk Like an Egyptian
13. U2, With or Without You
12. Whitney Houston, How Will I Know
11. Journey, Don't Stop Believin'
10. AC/DC, You Shook Me All Night Long
9. Run DMC/Aerosmith, Walk this Way
8. Madonna, Like a Virgin
7. Guns & Roses, Sweet Child O' Mine
6. Hall & Oates, I Can't Go for That
5. Prince, When Doves Cry
4. Michael Jackson, Billie Jean
3. Duran Duran, Hungry Like the Wolf
2. Def Leppard, Pour Some Sugar on Me
1. Bon Jovi, Livin' on a Prayer
I received this in an email message today and its something that I've heard joked about a number of times, but apparently this is something that is for real and is definitely not a joke:
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If you haven't heard about this already please read it, if you already know, then pass it along to someone who may not know about it. 'Dusting'
First, I'm going to tell you a little about me and my family. My name is Jeff. I am a Police Officer for a city which is known nationwide for it's crime rate. We have a lot of gangs and drugs. At one point we were # 2 in the nation in homicides per capita. I also have a police K-9 named Thor. He was certified in drugs and general duty. He retired at 3 years old because he was shot in the line of duty. He lives with us now and I still train with him because he likes it. I always liked the fact that there was no way to bring drugs into my house. Thor wouldn't allow it.
He would tell on you. The reason I say this is so you understand that I know about drugs. I have taught in schools about drugs. My wife asks all our kids at least once a week if they used any drugs. Makes them promise they won't. I like building computers occasionally and started building a new one in February 2005. I also was working on some of my older computers.
They were full of dust so on one of my trips to the computer store I bought a 3 pack of DUST OFF. Dust Off is a can of compressed air to blow dust off a computer. A few weeks later when I went to use one of them they were all used. I talked to my kids and my two sons both said they had used them on their computer and messing around with them. I yelled at them for wasting the 10 dollars I paid for them.
On February 28 I went back to the computer store. They didn't have the 3 pack which I had bought on sale so I bought a single jumbo can of Dust Off. I went home and set it down beside my computer.
On March 1st, I left for work at 10 PM. Just before midnight my wife went down and kissed Kyle goodnight. At 5:30 am the next morning Kathy went downstairs to wake Kyle up for school, before she left for work.
He was propped up in bed with his legs crossed and his head leaning over. She called to him a few times to get up. He didn't move. He would sometimes tease her like this and pretend he fell back asleep. He was never easy to get up. She went in and shook his arm. He fell over. He was pale white and had the straw from the Dust Off can coming out of his mouth. He had the new can of Dust Off in his hands. Kyle was dead.
I am a police officer and I had never heard of this. My wife is a nurse and she had never heard of this. We later found out from the coroner, after the autopsy, that only the propellant from the can of Dust off was in his system. No other drugs. Kyle had died between midnight and 1 AM.
I found out that using Dust Off is being done mostly by kids ages 9 through 15. They even have a name for it. It's called dusting. A take off from the Dust Off name. It gives them a slight high for about 10 seconds. It makes them dizzy. A boy who lives down the street from us showed Kyle how to do this about a month before. Kyle showed his best friend. Told him it was cool and it couldn't hurt you. It's just compressed air.
It can't hurt you. His best friend said no.
Kyle was wrong. It's not just compressed air. It also contains a propellant called R2. It's a refrigerant like what is used in your refrigerator. It is a heavy gas. Heavier than air. When you inhale it, it fills your lungs and keeps the good air, with oxygen, out That's why you feel dizzy, buzzed. It decreases the oxygen to your brain, to your heart. Kyle was right. It can't hurt you. IT KILLS YOU.
The horrible part about this is there is no warning. There is no level that kills you. It's not cumulative or an overdose; it can just go randomly, terribly wrong. Roll the dice and if your number comes up you die.
ITS NOT AN OVERDOSE. It's Russian Roulette. You don't die later. Or not feel good and say I've had too much. You usually die as you're breathing it in. If not you die within 2 seconds of finishing "the hit." That's why the straw was still in Kyle's mouth when he died. Why his eyes were still open. The experts want to call this huffing. The kids don't believe its huffing.
As adults we tend to lump many things together. But it doesn't fit here. And that's why its more accepted. There is no chemical reaction, no strong odor. It doesn't follow the huffing signals. Kyle complained a few days before he died of his tongue hurting. It probably did. The propellant causes frostbite. If I had only known. It's easy to say hey, it's my life and I'll do what I want. But it isn't. Others are always affected. This has forever changed our family's life. I have a hole in my heart and soul that can never be fixed.
The pain is so immense I can't describe it. There's nowhere to run from it. I cry all the time and I don't ever cry. I do what I'm supposed to do but I don't really care. My kids are messed up. One won't talk about it. The other will only sleep in our room at night. And my wife, I can't even describe how bad she is taking this. I thought we were safe because of Thor. I thought we were safe because we knew about drugs and talked to our kids about them.
After Kyle died another story came out. A probation Officer went to the school system next to ours to speak with a student. While there he found a student using Dust Off in the bathroom. This student told him about another student who also had some in his locker. This is a rather affluent school system. They will tell you they don't have a drug problem there. They don't even have a dare or plus program there. So rather than tell everyone about this "new" way of getting high they found, they hid it.
The probation officer told the media after Kyle's death and they, the school, then admitted to it. I know that if they would have told the media and I had heard, it wouldn't have been in my house.
We need to get this out of our homes and school computer labs. Using Dust Off isn't new and some "professionals" do know about. It just isn't talked about much, except by the kids. They all seem to know about it.
April 2nd was 1 month since Kyle died. April 5th would have been his 15th birthday. And every weekday I catch myself sitting on the living room couch at 2:30 in the afternoon and waiting to see him get off the bus. I know Kyle is in heaven but I cant help but wonder If I died and went to Hell.
This Officer is asking for everyone who receives this email to forward it to everyone in their address book, even Law Enforcement Officers.
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I'm posting this here so that anyone who happens to read this can pass it along to others. I have heard of people joking about "Dusting" and thought nothing of it. I will be thinking something of it now.
This was the last day. We arrived in sunny, trafficky Los Angeles around 3:30 PM on August 3. On our way we stopped in this little town called Oatman in AZ. Now understand that both Kim and I managed to stay intact bodily through several potential peril locales. But in a parking lot in Oatman, AZ that luck ran out. Unfortunately, I twisted my ankle pretty badly and I successfully hobbled into my new place in Burbank. On the way to LA, we spent a good deal of time on Route 66 again, and let me tell you, Route 66 in between Kingman, AZ and Needles, AZ is the way Route 66 should be. Click here for a video clip of a small section of that route.
Its been a hell of a trip. One that both Kim and I will remember for a very long time.
Today we had a tremendous time hiking around the Grand Canyon. We woke up and went to breakfast at a small diner on Route 66. I recommend Route 66 in Arizona, not-so-much in Oklahoma or Texas. From breakfast we made our way 1 hour north to the Grand Canyon. The shortest pass they have is for 7 days for $25. Not happy about it, but what are you gonna do?! So we managed to find a parking space and walked several of the major walkways and even one hiking trail which was called the South Kaibab Trail. Here's the interesting thing about the Grand Canyon. It is probably the only place that you hike that you hike downhill first and then uphill second. Interesting experience, we stopped about halfway down the path because we realized we were getting thirsty and tired and that neither of us were in the shape we should be in to continue on our way.
We had dinner at a steakhouse near the park entrance and unfortunately our plans to watch the sunset over the canyon got rained out but we were treated to one of the most beautiful skies as we drove out of the park. We headed back toward Williams, AZ and jumped onto 40 West again toward Kingman, AZ. What's in Kingman, AZ you ask? Not a gosh darn thing. At least not that we've been able to see since its been dark since we arrived. We are contemplating stopping by at a Ghost Town called Oakman, AZ. It apparently get's a lot of traffic from tourists and filmmakers and since we are a little of both we might just swing by and see what all the hubbub is about. The real lure of Kingman, AZ was that it was just an hour and change West of the Grand Canyon and after the day of hiking we had, the hour and a half drive was all Kim and I could muster.
Tomorrow, the home stretch toward our new home in Burbank, CA. See everyone soon.
We left fairly early on Monday and headed on our way to the Grand Canyon. On that route was the Petrified Forest and the Painted Desert in the East of AZ. Unfortunately my Check Engine light was still on so in Gallup, NM I made the decision to get off the highway for some food and to try to find a Ford dealership. Gurley Ford in Gallup, NM was great. They took my car and reprogrammed it (probably because of the environmental change associated with a cross country trip) and that took care of the check engine light. Life is good again.
Gallup, NM is the mecca for Native American Crafts including dolls, necklaces and other tribal art. I recommend stopping at some of the small shops along Route 66 in Gallup. Might I also say that we missed the ceremonials by a few days. We are going to try to make those another year.
We arrived at the painted desert and the petrified forest and danced around several thunderstorms and were treated to some breathtaking views. I can't imaging something more majestic than the painted desert, but if there is anything that can match it is the Grand Canyon which is our destination tomorrow.
Type to you later.
OK, I'm not sure what is up with Mapquest, but they said this day would take approximately 9 hours. BOY WERE THEY WRONG. We left Tulsa, OK at 10:00 AM and finally arrived in Albuquerque, NM after several hours of bobbing and weaving through mountains and 18-wheelers at about 11:45. That sounds more like 14 hours to me, not 9. And before you say it, no I didn't set the clocks so actually local time it was 10:45.
The highlight of the day was an unexpected stop at the Oklahoma City National Memorial which commemorates the events surrounding the Oklahoma City bombing in April of 1995. We also stopped at the Western Hemisphere's Largest Cross in Texas. Interesting little stop. We had to stop at the Largest something-or-other in Texas, since everything is larger in TX.
By the end of the drive, I was effectively psychotic with the only thing keeping me going is the desire to get to a nice comfy bed. When we finally arrived at the hotel, my Ford Focus check engine light came on. A perfect end to a perfect day hopefully its just the gas cap that wasn't fully tightened yesterday at my last gas stop.
Night everyone, we deserve it tonight.
We left this AM after checking out the view from the top of the Gateway Arch. The ride up in those tiny little elevator pod things was a little on the sketchy side but all and all it was a great experience. Things are going really well on the drive and we are making really good time. It looks like we are still slated to arrive in LA on Wednesday evening. The drive today was long and while OK had our first experiences with Armadillos, we didn't see any alive to take photos of. Apparently these little critters like to meet untimely fates with the front ends of vehicles on route 44.
En route to Tulsa, we got off in Vinita and followed historic Route 66 from Vinita to Tulsa. Not a real noteworthy experience. The few small towns we went through were moreorless ghost towns with very few businesses open and even fewer that looked appetizing enough to even stop in.
Aside from those adventures we are looking forward to the rest of the trip. We are entering the midwest and really don't have any major stops in mind until the Painted Desert and the Petrified Forest on Monday afternoon.
That's all for today.
We have arrived in St. Louis, MO at the "Gateway to the West." We have crossed the Mississippi River and have arrived in the Central Time Zone. Woohoo to gaining an extra hour...kind of. Tomorrow morning we are going to be hitting up the Arch tours early on and then heading on our way to Tulsa, OK via Route 66 between Vinita, OK and Tulsa, OK. We have been having a great time, got lost a few times and had some good laughs.
